All That Matters
by goingthedistance
Summary: Snow and Charming deal with their marital issues surrounding Red's death, Snow visits Red's grave.


Sometimes people asked Snow White why she wore her cloak every day. Most knew better than to ask. She clung to the edge of it now, as she so often did when upset. She was in the throne room, sitting on her perch, fingers repeatedly compressing and releasing a bit of the fabric. James' hand reached over and covered hers, causing her to release the cloak, seeing her behavior from the corner of his eye. He gave her a quick squeeze of reassurance and a sympathetic smile, hoping it was just fatigue. She responded in kind by looking away curtly, trying to put on a brave face. The both of them were exhausted. It had been a long day of hearings, court rulings and public appeals, leaving both royals with little energy. But more was taking effect on Snow than the demands of her people.

Finally the last of those there to complain had given their say, the king and queen were now able to leave with clear conscience. They walked together silently through the stone halls, Snow's husband taking her hand again. His touch was light and comforting, but Snow's mood had gotten too sour for any comfort now. She withdrew her hand from his as they walked, crossing her arms and earning confused looks from the guards who followed. Charming frowned at this action, but said nothing of it until they reached the royal quarters. Closing the door with a heavy sigh, James approached Snow, already undressing for bed with her back to him.

"Snow, what is it?" He asked, concern evident in his voice. Snow was prone to moods of displeasure, most involving distance from him. He understood her distance, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. Snow turned to face him in only her dress slip, her eyes without the brightness they'd had when the couple had first met. They were hazy now, a fraction of the magic left. No, she hadn't looked the same for years now; three years, almost exactly. The memory of what happened almost three years ago came over him like a chronic illness, something he felt bound to for the rest of his existence. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten for a moment. He wished he could forget more. "Tomorrow." He said simply, looking down. The anniversary was tomorrow.

The king pulled his queen into his arms, and it was all Snow could do to hold on. Almost three years ago her world had fallen apart, and she'd still not managed to put it back together. James had been there for her through it all though. Even after everything, he remembered the time they shared in the woods, saving each others lives. He wanted to marry her, hoping to kiss away her pain. Sometimes she let him try. Battling the memories that came with intimacy were often not worth the pleasure, however, much to Snow's guilt. James was her best friend, and as often as she tried, she could not give him what he desired.

He knew from that day all those years ago the marred state Snow's heart was in. He still didn't think it would be this hard. Quickly shrugging out of his clothing, he pulled Snow into bed, enveloping her in his arms. He wanted to say that he loved her, or that he was sorry, but it would probably only make her feel worse. So instead he held her close, feeling the moisture of her tears as she pressed her face to his chest. They fell asleep that way, Snow's sobs lasting through most of the night.

Snow awoke feeling less heartbroken, and more numb. She gave her husband a kiss on the cheek before boarding her carriage, headed for the hillside as she did every year on this day. She passed the dwarves cottage without visiting, knowing their presence on such a day would only unwind her numb state sooner. She much preferred feeling nothing rather than the pain she was used to. Most days it was a dull pain, a weight on her chest that was always present. Some days it would hit her harder, leaving her in bed for most of it, barely clinging to her sanity as the sobs wracked her body. But she hadn't had a hard day in a while now, and she was beginning to think that maybe things were getting better. And perhaps they were.

Reaching her destination, Snow stepped out of the carriage, her face happier than she thought it would be. The guards waited for her at the carriage, faces giving away no emotion. Snow wasn't paying attention to them however, her feet walking quickly over the grassy hill and into the wood. It had a bit of the same feeling as she entered, just a bit. Enough to knock the air from her lungs, a hand flying to her chest. Last year she'd ran from the carriage, believing that by some miracle her loss would be returned once past the treeline. She was wiser now. Finally, Snow reached the place she'd been longing for.  
It was a small meadow, one littered with bright flowers and ghosts of better times. Snow kneeled at the mound of earth at the center of the meadow, now grown over with bright green grass, her eyes unable to look away from the monument at it's edge. A large piece of rock, golden in the light that filtered through the overhang of trees. She read the inscription, despite the fact that it had been engraved in her mind since the day she'd first seen it.  
**  
**_Red_  
_My Queen, My Warrior, My True Love_  
_We Will Meet Again In The Land Beyond_  
_For Even Death Cannot Stop True Love_  
_My Heart Shall Be Yours Always_  
_In This Life And The Next_

Snow removed the hood from around her shoulders, still as bright red as it had been when she met the woman it used to belong to. She supposed that was the magic, keeping it agelessly beautiful. She draped the cloak over the small rise of earth where Red's body rested, wishing that it's powers extended to death itself. Snow leaned against the mound, resting there, twirling the grass that flourished between her fingers.

"It's been three years. And yet it seems like yesterday we were here together." Snow began, a small smile pulling at her face with the memory. It had been here that Red told her that she loved her. It was here that their story began. It was only fitting that she now rested here. "I still miss you. More than I could ever begin to say." Snow spoke quietly, her voice weak as she felt the tears beginning to well in her eyes. "A part of me left when you did, and I'm afraid it's the better part. I always said you were my better half." Snow paused, a laugh spilling out of her just as a tear slid down her cheek, remembering the way they used to giggle over the matter. "But I feel stronger now than I did before. Charming is still just as patient, just as loving…" Snow's voice trailed off, her eyebrows furrowed with guilt.

"I will never love again as I loved you. But I do love him, and I'm trying, Red. I'm trying so hard. For him, for the kingdom, for me. And I suppose for you too. I know you'd hate to see me this way. But without you…" Snow's broken voice caught in her throat, tears falling freely now. "None of it is the same. You know how I feel, how perfect you were. You were everything. And still are. You always will be." Snow paused, resting her head against the ground, never longing for anything more in her life than to see Red once more. "Before I met you, I didn't believe in true love. You taught me a million things, none of which I'll forget. Charming suggested the potion a while ago, the one that made me forget you before. But I don't want to forget. Who would help me remember?" Snow asked the wind, her loss eating at her like a cancerous cell, spreading to every part of her body. She was left only with a throbbing ache for something that she couldn't have.

"You helped me believe again. In love, in magic, in everything. And it's this that tells me I'll see you again. I can feel it in my bones. I suppose that's the only thing that makes being without you a little less painful." She saw the sun beginning to set, knowing she should leave soon. Time seemed endless, here in the meadow. It always had.  
"Goodbye, only for now, my love. Until we meet again." She said, pressing a kiss into the ground covering her lover's body, a flicker of her former light returning to her eyes.

"Find Snow. That's all that matters. Find her. I'm giving you a head start." Red said quickly, urging James onward. She knew what had to be done. He took off towards her, and how Red wished it would be her to pull Snow out of her latest crisis. Removing her cloak and taking a deep breath, Red could already feel the pull of the full moon. Breaking into a run, she could feel it taking over her, the will of the wolf to strong to deny. It finally took over, but not completely. Snow had helped her tame the wolf. She now had control and cognizance to realize what was happening around her, and remember afterward. She ran off of more than instinct now, something that was more of a hindrance to her survival skills, but beneficial for those she loved.

She tore into the first man without mercy, knowing they would show none for her. She took them out one by one, but they kept coming. The first arrow pierced her shoulder, and she couldn't help but let out a whine. A silver arrow. They knew. More came, eliciting a mournful howl as she tumbled to the ground, her fearsome body rendered useless. She knew what was to come. She could only think of Snow. James got away, he would help her. She would survive. Snow would be okay. That was truly all that mattered.


End file.
